Sunday, July 13

Day 5 I suppose

I'm failing miserably already. Not going to let it get me down however. I've got enough other crap in my life dragging me down.
     I'm going to instead accept that I might fail, I might slip. As long as I get back up and keep going, that's what matters.

     Still trying to drink more water. (Especially after last night. Damn vodka.)  Trying to eat healthy, even though all I really want right now is some greasy crap burgers and fries.  Working out 30 minutes a day was a lofty goal, but I'm positive I can achieve it. At some point. Working 9am til 9pm kinda drains a person. Last thing I want to do in the morning is get up early and work out, then go to work! Or work out when I get home! Guh.  I believe in myself, but I also know how f'n miserably TIRED I've been!  It's brutal when all I feel like I do is work or sleep.
Going to the beach today I think, then out to Catfish days. Going to dance at Catfish days I'm sure, that totally counts as excersize. 

Tuesday, July 8

Day 1 Pour moi

     I've gotten incredibly lax. I've gone soft. Haven't even been stretching, don't think I've even come close to 64 ounces of water a day.  I'm tired all the time, and I don't sleep for shit.
     Yes, a good portion of this is stress, but working out helps.  I live out in the boonies now, I can run and go for walks.  
No more excuses.

     No more. Eat clean(er). Drink more gorram water. Exercise EVERY DAY. I'm starting a new job in a week. I don't need to wait for a Monday to start being a better person.  I want to be my best self.  I want to look just as rocking (but slightly less) than Rayne on her wedding day.  I'm done with fat days. I have fat, I'm not fat. I have fingernails, I'm not fingernails.

Fuck being unhealthy all the time. Unhealthy is for binge days with videogames and ridiculousness.

     I'm signing up for the Color Run, in September. It has to happen. It's going to be glorious. I will make this happen.
Rayne, you're further on your goal than I am. Let's make this happen. For both of us.
New goals:
  • 30 minutes of exercise a day.  It doesn't have to be hard burn, but 30 minutes.
  • At least 64 oz of water.

We can do this.

Thursday, June 26

It's a weird day

I think we're starting a new challenge, but I'm not sure what it is! Rayne! Wherefore art thou!

Yep, you heard me.

Wednesday, April 23

D.23- now

I think I've thouroughly failed this challenge. I'd like to start over.
These last two weeks or so have been abysmal.  I really underestimated how difficult working out every day would be when you're working 40+ hours a week.
And now we're going to be sorting/organizing/moving.  We have to be out of our apartment by the 1st of June, so we're going to move and then move again. UGH.

So yeah, I want a re do.  This is awful.  I hurt so badly, and I'm not sure how.  I was showering, and then I couldn't move. So that's fun. God my chiropracter makes a lot of money off me.

Today was the first volleyball game, so I got about an hour in of movement and excellerated heart rate. So there's that.

Monday, April 7


     I must admit, I have fallen. It's very hard to catch up.  I have been overwhelmed with exhaustion.  I suppose this should be the time to perservere, to push through and exercise anyway.
But I can't. I'm filled with a weight that is not at all physical.  Stress, emotion.  Immense sadness.  

     I had the worst interview of my life last week. I'm working two jobs to try and keep up.  So when an opportunity dropped into my lap, I was so excited.  Turned out to be something of a waking nightmare.  I have since found out the man is going thru chemo,which has apparently made him different.  I'm not sure that's an excuse.  To top it off, work has been especially difficult. Challenged at every turn, questioned, harrassed.  It's unbelievably draining to a level I am fighting very hard against. 
     Last night, my mom revealed via facebook that coming here, living with us, is one of the worst decisions she has ever made.  Before she even had a need, I offered our spare room. I wanted her here, I still want her here.  We have had a better relationship in the last few years than we'd had my entire life.  When she asked if the offer was still good, I gladly said it was.  I was thrilled I'd get to spend some time with her before she moved half a world away.
Since her moving in, I've felt I cannot win, nor do anything right in her eyes.  I've felt criticized and judged.  But I understand she's under a ridiculous amount of stress.  She's moving to another continent, starting a new job, and they are making her jump thru flaming hoops while giving her little to no information.  So, despite her doing exactly what I explicitly asked her not to do--clean everything--I let it go.  My apartment needed some organization.  I'm thankful for that, even if it made me uncomfortable.  Yet, she is disgusted by the way I live.  In her eyes, I've been unwelcoming, and she feels I've never asked her how she is feeling or doing.  I have asked. Often.  She shuts herself in her room for days.  I wanted to give her her own space.
     My entire life, I've felt she's focused on the negative.  I've changed quite a bit in the 10 years since she kicked me out.  I had hoped she had too. I thought she had.  Now, it feels we're back in that same angry hurtful circle.  I don't know what to do.  

The worst kind of heartbreak is that inflicted by family.  I love my mom.  The kind of relationship I thought we had was one I never expected.  I don't know what to do.

Monday, March 31

D. 16 & 17

     Yesterday was my day off.  (and it was the first day this year above 60!) So once Pinky was done with work, we drove to Rochester and wandered. We walked several stores for the entire afternoon! So I'm counting that as my activity for the day.
     I didn't sleep right Saturday night, couldn't fall asleep til after 4am.  Before that was really quite delightful, going thru assorted wedding/bridal crew dresses.  I apparently have epic google-fu.  Pinterest is my super sidekick.  I had a blast. Anything I can do to help Rayne, I want to! I want her and Martys day to be a celebration of who they are, individually and as a couple.  That's how weddings SHOULD be.  It's weirdly important to me.

Today I was back at it with the Tone It Up girls. BURPEES ARE EVIL. No one likes burpees. UGH. What a way to start a Monday! Lame.  Going to do some squats too, push ups. After those evil up/downs, I'm not feeling the ab challenge. Don't want to throw up before work.  Should find something to eat before then too.  Work is going to SUCK, tonight is end of month inventory. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Sunday, March 30

Day 16 - 10 minutes elliptical

Mentally I was feeling like shit today.  I waited to go to the gym until Marty got home, thinking that he would want to go with me.  But he was sore from work so I went by myself and just had zero motivation.  So I did 10 minutes on the elliptical only.